Talking Is Not Overrated

I’ve been listening to a book series by Vince Flynn on my drive to and from work. The series is based on a CIA agent named Mitch Rapp. I’m about five books in to the 22-book series and I find myself enjoying the books so much that I’m excited for the drive. Rapp is a non-nonsense agent that is the CIA’s most effective and lethal agent.

In one recent book, in the middle of a discussion with another agent, Rapp made the comment, “Talking is overrated.” When I heard him say this, it brought me back to an interview I participated in last season with Channing Frye of the Phoenix Suns.

For the past 15 years I’ve worked part time for the NBA’s Utah Jazz. On January 18, 2019 after the Utah Jazz beat the Phoenix Suns, I was in the visiting locker room doing postgame interviews. It was near the end of the interview session and I was just about to leave when I heard a booming voice. I turned to see who was talking and it was Frye. It’s not uncommon for players to speak in a low voice, but Frye spoke so everybody could hear him. Once I joined the fray, one reporter asked him how his teammates respond to his mentoring and the feedback he provides. He was quick to respond, saying.

“… My biggest thing that makes me upset, more like furious is, and the only thing that I pretty much yell at is we don’t talk to each other. I think that’s the most frustrating thing for me because you know, as a shooter, you can have nights where you’re just not making shots and I think, let’s be real, we’re not the best defensively whether it’s because we’re too small, too hurt, whatever it’s a lot of excuses, but at the end of the day if we talk it’s going to solve a lot of problems. I know I talk a lot and I try to talk a lot when we’re out there and it solves a lot, it slows the game down. Good teams talk. Their team (the Utah Jazz), we call a play, all of them relay that play and then everybody’s like send it this way, this guys gonna roll and then boom, boom, boom and so like we need one guy within the group, maybe two, shit, maybe even three that know their plays, that’s studying that film and that’s going to help us out there. I know some of this stuff, but I’m only out there two times, three times a month so we need guys to become good defenders and just know guys plays and tendencies. That’s what a good defender is, just take percentages. So, I think that’s the next step for us…”

There were other questions during the interview and I remember walking away so impressed with him and thinking that I wanted to be friends with him. If he never hit a basket for the team that entire season and just talked to the younger players about the finer points of being a professional, he would easily eclipse the value of his contract.

I’ve thought about what he said ever since that Winter day.

Good Leaders Communicate

I recently read an article previewing the NFL season, specifically the Green Bay Packers and the relationship between their star quarterback, Aaron Rodgers and their new head coach, Matt LaFleur. The article highlighted how well things are going between the two and how the relationship they’re building now will benefit them and the entire team during the upcoming season.

The two met in the Spring to discuss expectations and get to know each other better. Recalling that meeting months later, Rodgers said there were two important things to getting their relationship off to a good start.

“What I’m expecting from him and what can he expect from me,” Rodgers continued. “What kind of approach do I have? What do I like? What do I not like? What has worked for me in the past? What maybe hasn’t worked as well in the past and just what kind of guy I am.”

Good Communicators are Also Good Listeners

I have a friend that is an incredible listener. When you talk to him he makes eye contact, and hangs on your every word. Others may try to interject and he never wavers. If there is an interruption, when it’s time to pick the conversation back up, he always knows exactly where you left off. He’ll often come back to the conversation and say something like, when we got interrupted you were saying … and he’ll repeat the last sentence or few words where you left off.

Going back to the article I read about the Green Bay Packers, Rodgers said: “Two things I think are really important: listen and communicate. Everybody, in general, wants to know that what they’re saying is important and that people care about what they’re saying, and the best way to do that is listen. I wanted to get to know who he (Coach LaFleur) is and what makes him tick and what’s important to him.”

Good Communicators Get What They Want

A friend of mine always says, “If you don’t ask, you’ll never get what you want.”

I’ve found that to be true. It’s just as true in your personal life as in your business life. The most effective communicators are straightforward, direct and quickly get to the point. Their ability to ask for what they want often allows them to get exactly what they want, when they want it.

Contrast that to poor communicators that are passive in their communication and lack the confidence to come right out and ask for what they want. As a result, they struggle to get what they want.

Communication Slows Things Down

In my experience, good communication is an effective way to make things slow down. When you’re trying something new or that you’re not experienced in, things seem to move fast. Once you gain experience or start to feel comfortable with a situation, things slow down and are easier to handle.

In my interview with Frye, he was asked why his team doesn’t talk?

He said, “I think the game is moving very fast for everybody. Like I said, it takes a long time for the game to slow down. It took like three or four years for the game to slow down…”

So often, when a problem arises, you hear the people involved say something along the lines of, “It was due to a lack of communication.” That’s more fact than it is an excuse. Effective communication will eliminate the frustrations and anger when communication is lacking.